Time Travel Compensation

The local newspaper, The Press Enterprise, dispenses a “free” weekly paper. The weekly rag is generally filled with inane stories that have no particular significance, stories that are used as excuses to deliver more advertising messages to consumers. It is a small measure of the current desperation of that newspaper organization. They have to sell ad space somehow, even if people are no longer subscribing to their publications.

I find the weekly paper useful, though. I use it to get the kindling burning in the fire pit (actually a brazier) on our patio. It is a good fire starter. My grandson and I built a fire in the brazier a couple nights ago and we only needed to use a few sheets of the wadded up paper to set the kindling ablaze.

This afternoon I happened to glance at the portion of the paper left over after the recent burning. Wedged in between ads for Singles with appropriately scantily clad twentysomething women and phone numbers that one can call to speak to them for $.73+ per minute and ads for medical marijuana clinics was the pictured ad for clinical trials. The clinic apparently needs subjects (guinea pigs) for the testing of drugs and/or therapies to treat bipolar disorders, depression, and schizophrenia, among other things.

My eye was initially drawn to the ad by the photo of the woman with red hair, lips, and fingernails. That look is the opposite of attractive, which was probably the point. One implication is that if one has a listed disorder and gets treatment from the clinical organization, one may become attractive, or attractive again. It was an effective use of a photograph.

The Eureka Moment

Thinking about a couple people I’ve known who were bipolar, I skimmed the ad. Suddenly, there it was: Time Travel Compensation! During the majority of this lifetime, I’ve occasionally wanted to do some time traveling. I’d like to go back to Bannockburn (Blàr Allt a’ Bhonnaich) to lend a hand and claymore as a representative of my clan, the Clan MacAlasdair. I’d like to see what Stonehenge was originally used for. I’d like to see what really caused the K-T boundary event, the disaster that killed off the dinosaurs. I’d like to study directly under the Buddha for a year or two. There are plenty of other things I’d like to do as a time traveler. That is, if I could somehow dodge the psychiatric treatment. The possibilities are nearly endless.

But this ad promises even more than time travel. It is so attractive to think that in addition to the opportunity to engage in time travel tourism, I would likely get compensated for it… What is the hourly wage for time travelers, anyway?